Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
