Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
