I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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