there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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