I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
