i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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