Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
two words...techno handjob
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
