do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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