OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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