Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
