we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
