I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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