addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
