Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
