One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
