i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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