I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
