I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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