3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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