you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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