This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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