Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
