When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
