apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
