Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Four minutes until I can fart!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
