Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I need to align my fucking chakras
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
