Where is the hickey?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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