i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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