you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
