you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
