i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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