things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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