Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
