Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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