I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
