I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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