Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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