I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
