you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
zippers are such a cool invention
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
