no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
