and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
