someone threw a dead crab at me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
