Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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