You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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