butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
