Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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