i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
