I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
