This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
