hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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