pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
