i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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