are you so shy because you have an std?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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