i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
