Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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