He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
