Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
birth control should be required to get into college
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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